A long mirrored look

Let me begin this post by saying that this is not some normal kid reaching a birthday with a zero in it and realizing that life is passing him by... Ok it's a little of that. As I was cleaning house tonight in lieu of my parents and brothers visiting for my 30th birthday, I was listening to 80s rock and basically having a jam session in the house. Suddenly I realized all the things I never did out of fear.

 I didn't play baseball in high school or go to the 2001 National Jamboree for fear that my high school girlfriend would break up with me. Coincidentally we broke up 3 months before the Jamboree even started, but by then it was too late. I didn't go to Tech for fear that I might fail. Instead I dropped out of school after two semesters because I was failing and I was afraid of letting my parents down. I used to write poetry and music and never let anyone read it because of the fear of rejection. I stopped writing for the same reason. I married my first wife for no other reason than I thought I couldn't do any better and thought she might break up with me if I didn't propose. That idiotic decision led to a disastrous 6 year relationship that was filled with me making decisions and keeping what I wanted to myself out of fear of what she might think. The only thing that finally delivered me out of that hell hole was me reconnecting to the woman I should have pursued in the first place some 15 years ago. I know we can't change the past, but my god if I could. Not many people know this but I have been in love with my wife for a very long time. I admired her from afar as she worked at the drive in theater (I know sounds like something out of Grease), but out of fear I never got the courage to talk to her. Luckily, for me, that worked out, but I am tired of sitting on the sideline of life (cliche, I know).

So here is my proclamation. I, Zachary Leonard, henceforth have decided to do everything I do with intensity, drive and passion, not letting fear ever get the best of me again. I will love my wife harder than ever. She is everything to me and by god she will never go a day without knowing that I love and adore her. I will put forth everything I have into my kid's lives. I will return to my passion of music, even if only as a hobby. I will learn to play instruments. I will pick up the pen again and let my emotions flow through it in the form or poetry and song. Even if nothing ever becomes of it (and it most likely won't), I will not be afraid to share what I write. Last but certainly not least, I will take responsibility for my spiritual life and that of my household. I will be the example I am called to be to my wife and children. Today is the day that I take my life back. I will push fear to the side and do the things that I have always wanted to.

So here is my final thought. Please join me in my journey. Do something you've never done before, even if you are afraid. Conquering that fear will be the best thing you've ever done. Until next time, my loyal 1 reader (I love you Rebekah), remember to never be ashamed of who you are. Live and love with passion, and this life will be worth it.