A long mirrored look

Let me begin this post by saying that this is not some normal kid reaching a birthday with a zero in it and realizing that life is passing him by... Ok it's a little of that. As I was cleaning house tonight in lieu of my parents and brothers visiting for my 30th birthday, I was listening to 80s rock and basically having a jam session in the house. Suddenly I realized all the things I never did out of fear.

 I didn't play baseball in high school or go to the 2001 National Jamboree for fear that my high school girlfriend would break up with me. Coincidentally we broke up 3 months before the Jamboree even started, but by then it was too late. I didn't go to Tech for fear that I might fail. Instead I dropped out of school after two semesters because I was failing and I was afraid of letting my parents down. I used to write poetry and music and never let anyone read it because of the fear of rejection. I stopped writing for the same reason. I married my first wife for no other reason than I thought I couldn't do any better and thought she might break up with me if I didn't propose. That idiotic decision led to a disastrous 6 year relationship that was filled with me making decisions and keeping what I wanted to myself out of fear of what she might think. The only thing that finally delivered me out of that hell hole was me reconnecting to the woman I should have pursued in the first place some 15 years ago. I know we can't change the past, but my god if I could. Not many people know this but I have been in love with my wife for a very long time. I admired her from afar as she worked at the drive in theater (I know sounds like something out of Grease), but out of fear I never got the courage to talk to her. Luckily, for me, that worked out, but I am tired of sitting on the sideline of life (cliche, I know).

So here is my proclamation. I, Zachary Leonard, henceforth have decided to do everything I do with intensity, drive and passion, not letting fear ever get the best of me again. I will love my wife harder than ever. She is everything to me and by god she will never go a day without knowing that I love and adore her. I will put forth everything I have into my kid's lives. I will return to my passion of music, even if only as a hobby. I will learn to play instruments. I will pick up the pen again and let my emotions flow through it in the form or poetry and song. Even if nothing ever becomes of it (and it most likely won't), I will not be afraid to share what I write. Last but certainly not least, I will take responsibility for my spiritual life and that of my household. I will be the example I am called to be to my wife and children. Today is the day that I take my life back. I will push fear to the side and do the things that I have always wanted to.

So here is my final thought. Please join me in my journey. Do something you've never done before, even if you are afraid. Conquering that fear will be the best thing you've ever done. Until next time, my loyal 1 reader (I love you Rebekah), remember to never be ashamed of who you are. Live and love with passion, and this life will be worth it.

It's not goodbye...

I am writing this post from a hotel room in Hobbs, NM. We are here to lay my wife's paternal grandfather to rest. Jack was a good man and a lover of Jesus. Being here and with everything going on this weekend, death has been on my mind a lot this weekend. I approach death and funerals very differently than most. While I do still feel the pain, sadness and sense of earthly loss that everyone feels (I am human after all), my mind always fixates on where that persons soul is. If the person I am mourning loved Jesus than I feel a sense of joy and almost morbid envy. Jesus has much more work for me in this life but man it would be AWESOME to be in the presence of my faithful lover. This weekend has also made me resolve to be more willing to share my faith with people. Anyone who tells you that we as Christians should be "tolerant" of the different beliefs should not be listened to, and here is why. As Christians, we know what happens to our souls when we die. When we do not share Jesus with people, we are saying to them, "It's okay if you go to hell. Doesn't matter to me." I refuse to take that stance when it comes to sharing my faith. I am going to heaven, and I am taking as many people as possible with me. Lord help me to overcome any concerns I have of what people will think of me.

Quick update on the family. Rebekah has a bunion on her foot and is going to need surgery. Please pray for little pain and a quick recovery. Layla is growing like a weed. She is walking all over the place. Please pray for her that she may grow up to love Jesus and be a huge asset for His kingdom. I am still recovering from the back surgery. I told my sister the other day that Rebekah and I are really covering that whole "in sickness and in health" thing. Pray that continue to grow in the Lord and be an example to my family as a husband and a father. That I lead my family the way a man of God should. Amen.

Until next time my friends, stay unashamed. Brag on the Lord whenever you can. Be on fire and let's change the world! 11SIX for life!

Fastest. Year. Ever.

As I'm writing this via my iPhone (isn't technology grand?), I can't help but think I've the past year and sit in amazement of all that has transpired. This time last year, Rebekah was about eight months pregnant and we just starting to rekindle our relationship ( a relationship I shot all to hell I might add, so her giving me a second chance was a miracle in and of it self). There was a ton of stress, not just relationally, but financially as well. It is amazing what one year can do. At the time I am writing this we are planning Layla's first birthday party! Rebekah and I have been married for five fantastic months now and I love her more now than I ever have. I made a decision during this past year that I will never stop pursuing my wife and I always want her to know that she is the love of my life, the second greatest thing to happen to me (behind my Jesus) and the I will never stop loving her!

As I have told you in past posts, Rebekah and I are taking financial peace university. We are both learning so much about planning for our future and getting to dream again. Most importantly it is opening up doors of communication that weren't there before which in turn is strengthening our relationship.

I really look forward to what the next year has in store for us as a family. First time I've been excited about the future in a long time. Ok I'm going to eat some general tso's chicken from the heb. Until next time keeping doing what the Father has called you to do. Live your life in such a way that when you are lying in your casket they say about your life, "he did God's will for his life and then he died!" Stay unashamed my brothers and sisters in Christ! Peace! <><

Scars, Gazelles and Lots of Leave!

So here we are again. It's been way to long since I've posted on here. Sorry about that. Here's what you missed:

On feb 6th I had surgery on my spine. They fused three of my lower vertebrae together. It was my first surgery ever and the first time that I have ever been put to sleep via anesthesia. Man what a trippy experience. I remember being wheeled into the operating room at about 2pm and the next thing I know it's about 3:30 am and I'm in a completely different room with a nurse taking my vitals. I have two wicked awesome scars and I'm on quite the cocktail of narcotics. The best part, though, by far, is the fact that I'm using a walker. It is annoying to have to use one but I find it highly amusing at the same time.

Because of the surgery the put me on thirty days of convalescent leave. The doctor told me Thursday that he will probably extend my leave. It has been great to be home with my girls. It also makes me look forward to next year when I get out of the Army. I am proud to say I am in the Army but I look forward to getting back to some normalcy in life.

Speaking of normalcy in life, Rebekah and I are 4 weeks into financial peace university and we are learning a lot. It's great to be able to have hope that our future financial dreams will be able to come true. We are on baby step 2 which is getting debt free. I look forward to the near future of having no payments on anything. Gazelle intense baby!

So that's we're I am right now. Hope this new year is bringing around changes for the good my brothers and sisters. Until next time stay unashamed of the gospel! 1-1-SIX FOR LIFE!!!!!!

Time Flies...

Hello all (or just my wife, I still have no idea how many people read this.) In the month or so since my last post quite a bit has happened, and since you all are DYING to know what I've been up to (I know you are!) I'll fill you in.

Christmas was quite a bit of fun for us all. It was Layla's first so, as you can imagine, we were excited for her to open her gifts. On top of that it was a white Christmas so we were super excited to take Layla out and letting her play in the snow for the first time. The people who live a couple doors down from my parents built a 7ft snowman so, of course we took pictures.

Christmas Eve was spent at my grandparents house for Jesus' birthday cake (chocolate roll), singing happy birthday to Jesus, reading the birth story and opening gifts. I love that tradition! Anyways, the cousins drew names prior to Christmas and the rules were that the gift had to be either homemade or a food item. My cousin Taylor drew my name and he gave me a really big tupperware thing of steak rub. YUM! I drew his sister, Caitlin's name and, if I do say so myself, rocked the casbah! I gave her a birdhouse and I am really proud of how it turned out. I don't do crafty things very often so I'm glad it turned out well.

Turning towards the new year, Rebekah and I have decided to lose weight this year. I will be a little hindered by this because of the fact that I will be having back surgery in the next month or so, but I intend to power through and be weighing at least 275lbs by years end. I'm at about 340 now so we shall see. Speaking of the surgery, I will be having 3 of my vertebrae fused together so keep me in your prayers.

Well that's about all for tonight, it's time to finish watching the football game and then crash. Until next time my peoples, continue to stay unashamed of the Gospel. It is the reason we are on this earth. Much Agape Love all!