Haven't been here in a while...

I realize it has been a little over a year since I checked so here it goes... We just got back from Johnson City where we celebrated Sawyer's first birthday party. I cannot believe that my little baby boy is one! It seems like just yesterday we were driving at an incredibly high rate of speed, hoping Rebekah didn't give birth on the way, now he is almost walking. He truly lights up my day. Sawyer is just like his daddy. He is such a sensitive soul. And boy does he love to cuddle. There is nothing I love more than hold my little chunker. We call him dude because that's what Layla calls him, which I find hilarious. He is such a blessing! 

Now on to Layla. My little baby is almost three!!! Where has the time gone? I find myself having full blown conversations with. It's craziness is what it is. She is still a fireball of energy. She is my daily comedic relief and I thank God everyday for her. One of her favorite things at bedtime is for me to sing her a song or two and I am so happy to oblige.

Rebekah is doing great. She is my calm in the storm that is my life. I am working full time at Gander Mountain and going to school full time at Texas Tech and she is always there to provide encouragement and support. I probably don't tell her enough but I would be completely lost without her. She is my gift from God and I am so happy to receive that gift! I am having so much fun living life with her!

Now a little new exciting news! We are pregnant with our third child! We are so excited and can't wait to meet the next addition to the Leonard clan. Rebekah and I have always wanted a lot of kids and we are so grateful that God has blessed us with these amazing gifts in our kids. 

Finally I will leave you with this. My younger brother, Jacob, will be walking with a new member of our family, Chance Stephens. He is walking across America to raise funds and awareness to fight against slavery ad human trafficking in Nepal, and he has asked Jacob to join him! Chance's website is www.achancefor.com. On that site you'll find his blog, as well as videos and pictures as well as ways to donate to both him and the organization he supports. Let's all rise up and stop slavery and human trafficking in this world! There are 27 million slaves in this world, more than any other time in history! That is more than the entire African Slave Trade. Remember hope is the opposite if action. Are you going to sit at home and hope that slavery is ended in this world or are you going to rise up and take action to give them people a voice? 

Also for those of you who don't know, I am growing my facial hair and the hair on my head for a year. I am five months in and I am pretty shaggy. I absolutely love having a beard and look forward to seeing it in August. 

That's all for now. I'm off to bed. Hopefully I'll get in to a better routine and post updates more often. Don't forget to follow me on twitter @zjleonard116 and on Instagram zjleonard116 as I no longer have a FaceBook account. Until next time my friends, stay unashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Agape love all!

A question ignored...

What do you believe?

It is a question thrown around way to haphazardly.
We as humans don't give it much gravity. We refuse to focus on life and it's brevity.

A blink and a breath and we are gone.
Gone from this world that will keep on spinning without us.
Sure we would like to think that our great ideas will live on.
But soon our memory will amount to nothing more than a yellowed picture in a box in the attic... if we're lucky.

So why, then, if life is so short do we not focus on something beyond this life?
Beyond ourselves?
We are so consumed with our nine to five,
That we don't realize that our life is not sands through an hourglass.
We are a ticking time bomb...
The blue wire has been cut and the clock is ticking faster towards zero.
Zero... A flat line... A cold lifeless corpse

So what's next?

We are hurtling toward eternity.
You will live forever whether you like it or not.
The question then, is what should expect?
The problem with us as humans is the we think we can earn our way into heaven.
Like there is some merit badge sash, that if filled, buys your way in.
We as humans are dirty fallible animals that couldn't find our way out a wet paper bag with a machete.

The only way we make it into heaven is to have someone die in our place.
Sacrificing a lamb doesn't cut it anymore.
The blood spilt must be pure and perfect.
Without sin... God

God must die... therein lies our problem.
But also therein lies the solution.
God must send himself as Jesus to DIE
And in that blood spilt we gain passage into heaven.

Now that you know the path...
Which do you choose?
Do you choose the here and now?
Living life for the moment...
A Maxwell House kind of life
"Good to the last drop"

That life is poison...
It pays no attention to eternity.
The forked tongue father of lies whispering in your ear.
Tickling you like sir hiss.

Forget about eternity, he says.
We'll burn that bridge when we get there.

ETERNAL DAMNATION
That's what awaits you..
Everyone is afraid to use that word.
Well it sums up what eternity will be like IN HELL
Lakes of fire
Pain and suffering
DAMNATION
Living eternity apart from God
Wishing you were dead.
DAMNATION

Or do you choose LIFE?

Life with God..
Singing his praises for eternity
That's time without end.
Take the US debt of sixteen trillion
Multiply it by sixteen trillion..
You haven't even scratched the surface.
Heaven is a place that doesn't need light.
No sun no sixty watt lightbulb
God lights the place with his presence
A place so full of perfect glory
He uses gold as asphalt

Which do you choose???

The next time your asked "what do you believe?"
Don't skirt the question
Think about it, have an answer...
Who knows... it might be me asking

And I won't let you off the hook...

My goodness what a crazy day!

At 4 am this morning I found myself (as I do most mornings) in a coma of deep sleep. I hear my wife's voice calling my name. "Zach," I hear Rebekah saying, "I am pretty sure I have been having contractions since 2!" "Call the hospital then," I say, thinking that her calling the hospital would afford me some time to wake up (While my mental faculties come to me quickly upon waking, my physical ones... not so much). She calls and the waits for the nurse to call her back, while I try to figure out if this is the real thing and so that I can try and get my body "percolating" as my grandfather would say.

The nurse calls back and informs her that she should go ahead and come in. Now it is a good hour drive so I roll out of bed and look at Rebekah and she is doubled over the bed in pain from a contraction. This causes me to go into overdrive running around getting everything together. We get into the car about 45 minutes later and head out for Lubbock. I decide to turn on the emergency flashes and speed just a little. 10 miles into the trip, Rebekah looks at me and says "I feel like I have to push!" "Oh $#!T," I think, "I may be giving birth in this car with my daughter hanging out in her car seat in the back!!!!! Have I torn up any sheets," I wonder? "How the hell am I going to boil water out here?" (I watch WAY too many old movies...) I channel my inner lead foot, and start pushing 90-95 mph. 15 minutes and 2 red lights run later, we arrive at the hospital.

I park in front of the Women's center and Rebekah gets out and doubles over from a contraction again. So I get out and run inside and tell the woman at the front desk (who is fiddling with a box of Girl Scout cookies), that my wife is in labor and we need a wheelchair now! She says okay and goes back to her box. I say, " No I don't think you understand! This baby is coming NOW!" I run back outside and Rebekah just walks by and walks inside. I go to park the car and get Layla out. We get everything and walk into the triage room and Rebekah is in a gown and on the bed. She looks at me and says "I am at a 9!" For those of you who don't know anything about giving birth 10 cm is what you are going. I walk out to check where my parents are. I walk back in and grab my wife's hand. 4 pushes later Sawyer Randal Leonard is born. We arrived in the parking lot at 0512 and Rebekah gave birth at 0538. Ever since then it has been a whirlwind! This will definitely be one the craziest ways to start a day I have ever encountered. Well I need sleep, I will talk to all you crazy cats later when I post pictures of my awesome son! Good night all!!!

Now where were we?

So it has been quite a while since my last post, so let's pick up where we left off...
It was just shy of my thirtieth birthday and I was lamenting over things I never did out of fear. Update, I have officially retired from the Army and moved to the Lubbock area. I am attending South Plains College and will transfer to Tech next year. I have reached out to my music appreciation teacher about taking voice and piano lessons. I have not written any songs or poetry yet but that is for two reasons. One, we have been having landlord issues (which I will go into more in a minute), and two, nothing has come to mind. One thing I learned the hard way when I was younger. If you force ideas onto paper, it usually is crap. So I will wait for inspiration to strike and we will see what comes of it.

Now the landlord situation. We rented a place in Crosbyton, because, well, the rent was cheap! It wasn't the nicest of places, but it is temporary while I am in school and it was $325 for a two bedroom duplex. There was also the possibility of moving into a 3 bedroom duplex for $345 a month when one opened up. We signed the lease back in October and put down rent for November and December, to basically hold the unit until I retired in early December and we were able to occupy the place. After moving in and getting all the utilities on, we discovered a ton of problems. The toilet, which was leaking, was also missing a seat. The faucet in the tub was completely corroded out and it was impossible to pull the catch up to get the shower running. The kitchen sink wouldn't drain. The dryer plug didn't work and the stove that was promised was M.I.A. This was followed by nearly a month of trying to get things fixed. Most of these things should have been fixed during the two months that we were paying rent but not living there. However, I digress. It has been almost two months since we have moved in and many of the things have not been fixed. There are other problems that we have found, but I won't bore you with the details. Let us just say that there is a good chance I will get to find out what it is like to file a civil suit against someone.

Now on to happier things. We are about a month away from our son, Sawyer being born, and I am so incredibly excited. I have so enjoyed watching Layla grow into an adorable little toddler, but there is something about the bond between a son and his daddy. I am looking forward to cultivating that relationship. Teaching him how to throw a football. Teaching him how to act like you know what you are doing under the hood of a car for 5 hours and then calling a repair man. Teaching him how to treat a woman, and, coincidentally, when the girl of his dreams comes along, not be to scared to let her know (personal experience lesson there). Teaching him how to love God with all of his being. How to find what he loves to do and pursue it unabashedly. Teaching him a strong left hook to only be used on bullies, people who start a fight, and anyone who lays a hand on his sister(s) (this will be followed by lessons in full on hand to hand combat. It may be a little weird to get a call from his kindergarten teacher asking what an arm bar is but hey...). These lessons and more are what I am looking forward to. I will never hesitate to tell him that I love him and that as long as he is pursuing his dreams that I am so very proud of him. I know I will fail him at times, because I am, after all, human, but I will do everything I can to be the father he deserves.

Okay, sappy out of the way. Here is my challenge this go around. Tell someone that you love them. Whether it be your spouse, your kids, or you decide to freak someone out on the bus or subway, remind those around you that you love them. That they mean the world to you and that you would not be who you are without them. Continue to live unashamed, living by Romans 1:16- "For I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, for it is the salvation of man, first the Jew, then the Gentile." Until next time my friends, I love you all, my brothers and sisters in Christ!

A long mirrored look

Let me begin this post by saying that this is not some normal kid reaching a birthday with a zero in it and realizing that life is passing him by... Ok it's a little of that. As I was cleaning house tonight in lieu of my parents and brothers visiting for my 30th birthday, I was listening to 80s rock and basically having a jam session in the house. Suddenly I realized all the things I never did out of fear.

 I didn't play baseball in high school or go to the 2001 National Jamboree for fear that my high school girlfriend would break up with me. Coincidentally we broke up 3 months before the Jamboree even started, but by then it was too late. I didn't go to Tech for fear that I might fail. Instead I dropped out of school after two semesters because I was failing and I was afraid of letting my parents down. I used to write poetry and music and never let anyone read it because of the fear of rejection. I stopped writing for the same reason. I married my first wife for no other reason than I thought I couldn't do any better and thought she might break up with me if I didn't propose. That idiotic decision led to a disastrous 6 year relationship that was filled with me making decisions and keeping what I wanted to myself out of fear of what she might think. The only thing that finally delivered me out of that hell hole was me reconnecting to the woman I should have pursued in the first place some 15 years ago. I know we can't change the past, but my god if I could. Not many people know this but I have been in love with my wife for a very long time. I admired her from afar as she worked at the drive in theater (I know sounds like something out of Grease), but out of fear I never got the courage to talk to her. Luckily, for me, that worked out, but I am tired of sitting on the sideline of life (cliche, I know).

So here is my proclamation. I, Zachary Leonard, henceforth have decided to do everything I do with intensity, drive and passion, not letting fear ever get the best of me again. I will love my wife harder than ever. She is everything to me and by god she will never go a day without knowing that I love and adore her. I will put forth everything I have into my kid's lives. I will return to my passion of music, even if only as a hobby. I will learn to play instruments. I will pick up the pen again and let my emotions flow through it in the form or poetry and song. Even if nothing ever becomes of it (and it most likely won't), I will not be afraid to share what I write. Last but certainly not least, I will take responsibility for my spiritual life and that of my household. I will be the example I am called to be to my wife and children. Today is the day that I take my life back. I will push fear to the side and do the things that I have always wanted to.

So here is my final thought. Please join me in my journey. Do something you've never done before, even if you are afraid. Conquering that fear will be the best thing you've ever done. Until next time, my loyal 1 reader (I love you Rebekah), remember to never be ashamed of who you are. Live and love with passion, and this life will be worth it.

It's not goodbye...

I am writing this post from a hotel room in Hobbs, NM. We are here to lay my wife's paternal grandfather to rest. Jack was a good man and a lover of Jesus. Being here and with everything going on this weekend, death has been on my mind a lot this weekend. I approach death and funerals very differently than most. While I do still feel the pain, sadness and sense of earthly loss that everyone feels (I am human after all), my mind always fixates on where that persons soul is. If the person I am mourning loved Jesus than I feel a sense of joy and almost morbid envy. Jesus has much more work for me in this life but man it would be AWESOME to be in the presence of my faithful lover. This weekend has also made me resolve to be more willing to share my faith with people. Anyone who tells you that we as Christians should be "tolerant" of the different beliefs should not be listened to, and here is why. As Christians, we know what happens to our souls when we die. When we do not share Jesus with people, we are saying to them, "It's okay if you go to hell. Doesn't matter to me." I refuse to take that stance when it comes to sharing my faith. I am going to heaven, and I am taking as many people as possible with me. Lord help me to overcome any concerns I have of what people will think of me.

Quick update on the family. Rebekah has a bunion on her foot and is going to need surgery. Please pray for little pain and a quick recovery. Layla is growing like a weed. She is walking all over the place. Please pray for her that she may grow up to love Jesus and be a huge asset for His kingdom. I am still recovering from the back surgery. I told my sister the other day that Rebekah and I are really covering that whole "in sickness and in health" thing. Pray that continue to grow in the Lord and be an example to my family as a husband and a father. That I lead my family the way a man of God should. Amen.

Until next time my friends, stay unashamed. Brag on the Lord whenever you can. Be on fire and let's change the world! 11SIX for life!

Fastest. Year. Ever.

As I'm writing this via my iPhone (isn't technology grand?), I can't help but think I've the past year and sit in amazement of all that has transpired. This time last year, Rebekah was about eight months pregnant and we just starting to rekindle our relationship ( a relationship I shot all to hell I might add, so her giving me a second chance was a miracle in and of it self). There was a ton of stress, not just relationally, but financially as well. It is amazing what one year can do. At the time I am writing this we are planning Layla's first birthday party! Rebekah and I have been married for five fantastic months now and I love her more now than I ever have. I made a decision during this past year that I will never stop pursuing my wife and I always want her to know that she is the love of my life, the second greatest thing to happen to me (behind my Jesus) and the I will never stop loving her!

As I have told you in past posts, Rebekah and I are taking financial peace university. We are both learning so much about planning for our future and getting to dream again. Most importantly it is opening up doors of communication that weren't there before which in turn is strengthening our relationship.

I really look forward to what the next year has in store for us as a family. First time I've been excited about the future in a long time. Ok I'm going to eat some general tso's chicken from the heb. Until next time keeping doing what the Father has called you to do. Live your life in such a way that when you are lying in your casket they say about your life, "he did God's will for his life and then he died!" Stay unashamed my brothers and sisters in Christ! Peace! <><